So, my writers block finally cleared and I decided to get back to writing. I’ve had this post in my drafts for quite a while now, and it’s all because of something that happened to me a few months ago. I’ll give you some background on this issue and how I came to realise that being self aware is fairly important.
It was around January when I did half of my law exams. They had been stressing me out for weeks, and there had been a few other things causing me to feel down. When I say ‘down’, I mean I was in a real rut, really stuck but unable to see it. I’ve talked about this before in other posts, and you can check them out on my blog. So, I’m not going into detail about that time, but I think it ruined relationships I had with people. Things just didn’t seem the same, I wasn’t the same. I became angry over nothing, I flipped at the slightest thing.
I found myself crying over things that had very little impact on my life.
I mean, I put all this down to the fact I was probably due on my period, or maybe my hormones were just flipping out, because everyone gets those times? I thought that maybe I wasn’t over my relationship that had ended a few months ago (Clarify- it wasn’t because of that) or I was just being a bitch (which isn’t unusual for me, I have accepted this part of me).
What I’m (trying) to get at here, is that I was at a pretty shitty place, but I had no idea. I had no idea I was being a pretty shit person until I came out the other side and looked back. I realised that I had been a problem to myself for a few weeks, and that I hadn’t been myself. However, during that time I hadn’t been aware of the fact I had something going on, and that it was changing me in a pretty bad way.
And, what gets me, is that I didn’t see the signs. I didn’t notice shitty things I would never have done in my ‘usual’ life. I wasn’t aware, and I should have been. After that, let’s call it episode of my long life story, I realised that being aware of your own self can be extremely powerful.
Stay with me here, because we all know my ideas and thoughts tend to be a bit out there, but knowing your own self is the best thing you can do. Knowing your own habits, the way you ‘usually’ act around people, how you show love, how you interpret your own emotions… it all helps to see that you’re in a toxic situation, or that you’re having a shit time. I guess, if I had known about myself and the way I usually acted, I would have sat myself down and slapped myself. I would have known that I was acting shit, and that I had to bring myself back up.
Self awareness is something we’re never really taught or told about. Being aware of yourself is a fairly new thing to me, but I think it’s bringing me some good. Now, I can step back from situations I know are hurting me, I can break from things that are toxic. I am fully aware of my moods, and when I am acting in a strange way. And, I think it is the best thing that happened to me. I am no longer scared of a relapse flying round the corner and hitting me in the face, because hopefully I can see what is wrong before it happens in the first place.
Knowing your own self is seeing things before they happen, and if things do happen, it’s never your fault.
Maybe it seems vain, but taking care of yourself is the most important thing in your life. If you’re not aware of your own self, then you can never be aware of the people around you. Self love, self awareness and self worth all work hand in hand to give you tools to try and control what happens. Self awareness seems to be one of the more important ones to me at the moment.