For your Next Girlfriend (Spoken Word)

To my ex,

you were only a boy when

we met,

not yet a man,

a relationship that

saw us grow.

We were only kids when

you fell for me,

and I couldn’t bring

myself to say no, because

breaking hearts had never

been my hobby.

I had no idea how to

fix something that should

never be broken anyway.

I think about that every day,

your heart,

where do I even start?

How do I put years into

words?

I was so f*cking naive,

swept away by the first sign

of attention,

I can’t even attempt to

mention the last months of what

we had.

I felt dead.

Raw.

The wounds on my thighs felt

too sore, ready to be bled

open again.

You told me I was painful,

a bitch,

an itch you can never f*cking

scratch.

I can only imagine what you

must say about me now.

Do you call your new girlfriend

names?

I have nothing to gain from

this poem, just a sense of relief.

Is your next girlfriend

prettier than me?

Because I never felt good enough.

And I know I was always going through a

rough time,

but maybe we were the wrong

people all along.

Maybe we were the weight on

our shoulders,

the reason my heart felt colder

every bloody day.

I couldn’t even fathom who

I was anymore,

and I don’t want to bore you

with emotions,

you never asked how mine were.

You were just a boy,

and I was a girl,

but we couldn’t face the world

together.

We were meant to exist,

alone.

Does your new girlfriend

blow up your phone?

with sweet nothings that

I could never believe

in the first place,

because we were constantly

saving face.

Even when I achieved,

when I soared,

when I believed that I

was worth something,

you brought me back down

to earth.

Because,

why could I celebrate,

when you felt the weight of

life crushing down on you?

I would have gone to war for you.

I would have taken a bullet for you.

I would have died for you.

You just couldn’t see what I was holding,

collecting,

praising all the time,

was you.

The number 1 in my dreams,

the boy who helped me believe,

but then took it away from me.

You said you would die without me,

so why are still breathing?

You said I was your world,

then why did you destroy me?

I’m sorry,

I’m so so sorry that you couldn’t

just see what I knew all along.

Because something had always been wrong.

And I can’t use my words to describe this,

because I can feel my heart breaking again.

I have nothing bitter to feel,

I have no hate towards you,

I just wish my head had listened

to my feelings.

Thank you for setting me up for this

life,

4 long years of memories,

4 long years of life,

4 long years of growth.

I don’t want to loathe you.

You were my world,

you were everything to me,

and I hope your next girlfriend is

everything you want her to be.

We were too young,

dumb,

out of control.

I find myself wondering was it

love or lust?

Needs must?

Did we just want someone to love?

I hope life is good,

I hope you are brave,

because the boy who I knew,

will be an amazing man one day.

I have loved, I have lost,

I have learned,

and I will always hold you in

every praise.

To your new girlfriend,

I have watched this boy grow,

and I hope you show him respect he

deserves,

because he will always mean something to me.

 

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