Dear 14 year old me,
I know we haven’t spoken in a long time. And for that, I’m sorry. I couldn’t look at you anymore. I couldn’t accept the person you are. I couldn’t accept the amount of hate you poured into yourself. You feel so betrayed by the world, you feel so alone, you feel as if no one will ever love you.
I know how difficult you are finding things, and how cruel people can be to you. You feel as if you will never fit in, never be one of the ‘pretty’ girls. Why is everyone around you so much better than you are? I know that you think that there is only one way to fix yourself, but trust me, that will never work. You will still be battling with that evil years from now… to be exact, you are facing the same thing 8 years on.
You are not fat. You are not ugly. You are smart enough to achieve everything you believe. You will make friends, you will find someone who loves for who you are. You are going to go on to achieve great things, and use every bit of pain to turn into the woman I am today.
The world around you will change. You will lose people from your life; people who you greatly love, but you will meet new people. There will be hard times, there will be sad times, but it is the way the world keeps on going. This is life. It is but a game we continue to play, and sometimes we win, sometimes we lost. However, you will rise again.
Sometimes, you will feel so broken that you don’t want to wake up in the morning. You will wish that you were dead. You will feel the absolute heart break that none of us want to feel. It will feel as if your world has ended. It will feel as if there is nothing left.
However, you’re only 14, you still have a lot to learn, and heart break is a consequence of growing up. A symptom of being a human being. You will feel broken by men who don’t even know you exist, and you will encounter cowards who encroach on you whilst your back is turned. The world is full of evil, but do not let that make you an emotionless person. Do not turn into the thing you are scared of. Let people in, let your walls down, let someone be there for you.
You do not have to be there for everyone else. You will have to pick the battles you undertake and the people you defend. Think about it, will they ever defend you? The battles will be hard, and you will stand up for what you believe, and that will make you a target. Many will leave you because you won’t stand for what they believe.
Relationships will come and go. You may think they are the only thing that can heal your scars, but they are not the cure for you. People will love you harder than you believe, and you should take in that love. Someone will cross oceans for you, walk through hell, face your demons, all for you. They will be there for you during your hard times, they will keep you warm when all you can feel is darkness around you.
You will place everything on your grades, and how much you succeed in school, but life is not about that. Life is about doing everything you can, because life is worth so much, and you are only here once. You will want to follow the path that has already been laid for you, because you believe you are not smart enough to follow your dreams. Follow those dreams. Even if everyone around you tells you that you cannot do it. If you have the drive, you can achieve.
Sometimes, you will fail, and you are going to feel like you have failed everyone around you. Failing does not matter, because we get back up, and we try again. We continue to work for what we want. It doesn’t matter how much time it takes, or how other people around you are doing; it matters how you are doing. You can take however long you want to reach what you want in life, because it is your life.
Dear 14 year old me, you are going to feel so alone, so afraid of everything around you, but you will grow into a strong woman who can face the night alone, and does not need someone else to keep her steady. You will be beautiful.