I recently heard a song that made me wonder about the whole reason we actually date someone. A lot of the time, the phrase ‘I want someone to love me like *this*’ or ‘I want love’ is thrown around.
It made me think about a lot of things, but mainly, I wonder if dating is some way to maximise our ego. Surely, we feel better about ourselves if someone loves us.
For me, I made sure that I was happy with myself before I decided to date again. My break up of my previous relationship had left me feeling lonely, damaged and just empty. I wanted something to fill that void. I wanted someone.
I knew this. I knew that my endless nights of scrolling on Tinder or messaging guys from who I knew had liked me was all to fill this void I had. It was to provide me with some comfort. I no longer felt alone; I felt like someone loved me.
I felt loved.
And, maybe, some of us are dating because we want to fill that void – just like I needed. I have mentioned this before, and I believe this is why someone, ultimately, becomes a rebound. It’s a hard truth to face, but it’s the only explanation for a reason why we date so soon after a break up.
We do not love the person we date; we want to feel love ourselves.
I wonder how many of us are guilty of this. The truth is, if you are looking for something in someone, that you cannot find in yourself, then you are dating them for narcissistic and selfish reasons. You are not dating them because you love them.
You are not dating them because you consider them your world.
You are not dating them because you want the best for them.
You are using them to make yourself feel less empty. You are using them to feel like you have some kind of purpose.
Dating should not be to find someone who makes you feel less alone, or someone who makes you feel completed. You should feel completed before you meet them. They are not there to hold your hand at every single decision you make, or every different day of your life.
They are supposed to, of course, be like your best friend. Your number 1 fan, and the person who you constantly feel in awe of. You wonder how they even came into your life in the first place.
This difficult situation, of do I love them, or do I want love?, can be solved very simply.
If you are not happy with your life, and you are looking for someone to fix it- you are wanting to be loved.
If you are perfectly content where you are, and they appear when you least expect it, then you love them.
Until next time,