So, you’re probably here because you are completely lost. You have decided to start dating this girl and all of a sudden… they have turned around and told you life changing news.
You don’t know to act, you don’t know what to do… could this be the end before you’ve even started?
You are shocked, speechless, completely worried… she is a…
Yes, this can be a scary and challenging moment for some people, but don’t worry, I am here to get you through this.
We can get through this together.
Dating a feminist doesn’t have to be hard, and here I am to tell you how you can do this!
- If you are a man, hate yourself and all those men around you.
If you don’t say ‘men are trash’ at least 20 times a day, you are doing it all wrong. Feel insulted when a man touches you, if a man dare talk to you instantly call him sexist and back away. Refuse to have any men in your life, and when they try to speak, look them in the eye and whisper ‘patriarchy’. Lose all the male friends, after all, soon we’ll have got rid of the men anyway. Better yet, if you are a man, pour the contents of the bin on yourself. There you are- literal trash.
Could you be a better boyfriend?
2. If she is a woman, do not buy her a bra.
Do you want that Victoria’s Secret push up surprise burned in front of your eyes? She won’t be crushed by the weight of having to live up to society’s standards. After all, why should a woman feel a need to wear one? It’s just about giving men what they want.
3. Don’t you dare buy makeup, or insinuate she should wear some.
Makeup is just another societal standard and women should not live up to this. Foundation, eyeliner, concealer, blusher… all products of the patriarchal system and just another way to make women feel BAD about themselves.
She will pour all the makeup into the sink, mush it up (makeup destruction goooaaallsss), watch you cry after you spent all that money on NARS and then burn it for an extra pre-caution (because feminists are known for burning things- mainly bras).
Expect her to throw stones at any Boots store she sees and knock over every makeup stand she walks past. They are disgusting.
4. She’s probably a lesbian, and only using you to push an agenda if you’re a man.
Truthfully, all feminists are just attracted to other feminists and want nothing to do with the disgusting species of men.
Maybe she is just using you to make a female child that she can make into a feminist, maybe she’s using you for fun. After all, men have been using women for years?
5. If you’re a man- you can’t be feminist like her.
Get out the feminist space before you bruise her life. You could ruin her feminist image. Unfortunately, as a man, you’re already extremely privileged, therefore, you can’t be in the feminist club.
We know how much you want to- because then you could continue to oppress all the women. However, we don’t want you around.
6. Prepare to have everything taken away from you- because that’s what feminism is.
Unfortunately, someone has to lose privilege so someone can gain it, and that’s the way feminism works. You will lose the spotlight, and most importantly, your choices.
I hope this has helped you understand how to date a feminist! Remember that feminists are just like you (only slightly more extreme and ready to shove their beliefs on you!).
Happy dating- because feminists are the best people to date.
*This whole article is satirical and for comedy purposes. Nothing said in this is meant to cause offence. Nothing stated is of opinion or facts. All of it is made up from the ridiculous myths that surround feminism*