Modern dating is an utter and terrible shit show. It is no longer easy to meet someone and decide you want to go on a date.
The dating community is all about swiping left or right, deciding if they’re going to kill you, if they’re worth your time, if they’re cute, if they fit into your schedule… quite frankly, it’s a f*cking headache.
And I’m sick of it.
However, more often than not, we have our heartbroken by someone we never dated. It is one of those situations that is hard to describe, and hard to understand if you’ve never felt it.
Though, if like me, you are going on two years and not being able to really call someone your boyfriend (or girlfriend, or SO… ) or have some kind of stable relationship for longer than 2 months, then you’re going to be really kind of hacked off with dating.
Additionally, you are going to have come across lots of those people who you never dated. You know who I mean- you talk for hours, you talk about your favourite films, you send maybe one or two nudes, you discuss everything about yourself and going on dates and you understand this person so well.
The crazy thing is that you speak to this person so much, and hear about their day so much, that you start to really feel things for them. You could have spoke to them every day for a month- you could be texting every hour, or every five minutes- and you know everything about them.
You start to think about your first date, you start to think about how good you’d be in a relationship… and then one day, it all changes. Either, one of you ghosts the other, you just stop talking or you never arrange that date.
I think that these kind of ‘break ups’ are some of the hardest you can deal with. You may have been putting all your effort and your energy into this person. They may have seemed like your new love interest- and then one day, they’re gone.
You will never get closure over this kind of thing. You will spend days, weeks and sometimes months thinking what could have come of this. For me, this kind of a break up can be so difficult to deal with.
With people who you’ve dated- you can try to understand what wrong, you can have memories of you together, you can say that you tried to be the best for each other. You know that you tried.
Though, someone you never dated just leaves a gap in your heart. You will never know how you could have been, you will never have that person in your future. At least with someone you’ve dated you know that you don’t work, or that you have a connection, or that they could have been right person at the wrong time.
The thing that sucks so much about not dating someone is it can prevent you dating other people- you might have a constant idea that they will date you. They leave this space in your heart that should be for someone else. They leave this burden of wondering, and waiting and hoping.
Hoping for just five minutes that they will come back into your life, and that you will finally date.
It’s hard to date in this modern world, and no wonder so many of us are choosing to stay single and not date- because how many non break ups but break ups can we have? How many people can you keep in your heart, and hope they will come back around into your life?
These are the kind of breaks that hurt the most- because the closure is non existent. You have to learn to grieve someone who is still alive, you have to mourn someone who you never actually had a change to be something important in their life.
You just become another swipe, another person in their contacts, another unfollow on instagram.
You become just another person in their dating journey- and maybe that’s okay, because maybe it was never meant to be, and maybe you wouldn’t have worked…
But, you’ll never know.