The Single Girl and The Negative Narrative

We all know the story- the girl who is single, who is a wreck, who is heartbroken. Or, the girl who plays around and disgraces herself- because she is single.

How many stories have we grown up with the woman who is defined by her relationship status?

Bridget Jones, and her spinster future.

Cinderella who is saved by the prince, and his shoe finding (yawn).

Angus, Thongs and Perfect Fiction- she’s single, sad and weird.

Single women have always had a negative connotation surround them. Forget the single men who are ‘bachelors’ and ‘playing the game’.

We’re just sad, single, and craving a man who will make us whole. Prince charming is the only answer to our eternal sadness.

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Women have become the narrative that has been written about them, and continues to the ‘norm’. Even I find myself thinking there’s something wrong with me, and I’ll be single with 100 cats- and I need to find a boyfriend soon.

It’s pure bullsh*t that this idea even exists in the first place, but we continue to keep it rife. If there’s a woman who is happy with being single, and loving the single life, she is automatically placed in a box and a category that there is something wrong with her.

The negative narrative that we have been told for years and years is something that it is difficult to recognise, because it seems normal to us.

We are okay with feeling ashamed that we are single; we rely on someone else for our happiness.

All those years of women crying on screen over men, all those novels of happiness when she finds romance- they have created an image of the single woman that has made us fear being alone.

We are scared of the nights we sleep alone, the fact we don’t have someone to hold us when we’re upset- we fear it all because we are made to believe it is scary.

And what is the cure to our fear, and our sadness and our loneliness?

The love of someone else.

For far too long, the single woman has been smeared by fiction and history.

Far too long has it been expected that we need a man to make us happy.

Even writing this post, I guarantee there will be many thinking I’m writing this because I hate being single.

Wrong.

I’m angry, I’m mad and I’m sick of it.

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I’m not your single friend who you’re looking to set up, I’m not the spinster who is a third wheel and I’m definitely not looking for a man to complete my life.

Why do we need an excuse for wanting to go on holiday and be SINGLE? Why do we need an excuse to travel the world and be SINGLE?

This is a narrative so far ingrained that it’s hard to get beyond the constant shameful and alone feeling, but it can be done. We can be single, and we can be happy- we don’t need to be chasing someone down, dealing with boy drama or feeling like we can’t do anything alone.

The time is coming for single women to be re-written in fiction, songs and movies.

Because, being single is really the best time.

 

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